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A Few Words To The Wise Asses

Rittenhouse To Open Paladin Protective Services

11/19/21

Files To Trademark Slogan “Have AR15s Will Travel”

Fresh off his victory over the rule of law in Kenosha, Wisconsin, wannabe NRA spokesteen Kylie Rittenhouse announced he is opening his own security company named Paladin Protective Services, after the 1950s television character made famous by Richard Boone, heir to the Boone’s Farm fortified wine fortune. 

“Today is a great victory for good guys with guns,” the alleged human told a quiver of slobbering reporters starved for reliable right-wing talking points. “who are mad as hell & don’t have to take it anymore. What I accomplished in Kenosha, anyone with proper small arms training can accomplish in your own neighborhood, & my new company is ready to help training a nationwide army of well-armed right-thinkers.”

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