Marjoe Faylure Greene Pissed At AOC's Met Gala Dress

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

“It Might As Well Say Fuck America!” Screams Georgia Junior ReprehensativeThe first rule of alternative journalism is not to give a fat rat’s booty about your subject or your audience. Everyone winds up in the same discard bin in the end.
There is nothing special about anyone.
Taste one turd...

Mike Lindell Blasts Dems For Stealing Thousands Of Supporters

Monday, September 13, 2021

More Than 10 Thousand Missing From “We The People Reunion” At KY Jelly Stadium“We The People Reunion” organizer Mike Lindell filed more than 10,000 missing persons reports with the Muhlenberg County Sheriff’s Department after fewer than 250 rabid supporters of twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator...

AP Style Guide For Journalism Issues Alternative Woke Updates

Saturday, September 11, 2021

“Baby Bump” Called An "Abomination To Sense & Sensibility”Decrying the dumbing down of the English language to appease the uneducated Repugnicunt base that has made America alternatively great, the liberal elite at the Assoicate Press has begun issuing a number of corrections to their style guide “to...

Nation's Youth Don't Remember 9/11

Friday, September 10, 2021

Memories Formed By Right-Wing Media And Godless Socialized EducationResearchers were stunned to find that more than 75% of all Americans under the age of 20 have no memory of the events of September 11, 2001, the day that was as important to life on Earth as God’s original golf resort, The Gardens...

Most Americans In New Poll Admit 9/11 Changed Very Little

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

85% Say Country Is Worse Off Than 20 Years AgoCiting escalating gun carnage, the proud rebirth of white supremacist violence, and systemic income inequality, a staggering majority of Americans have begun to realize that the events of September 11, 2001, were actually retaliation for the CIA assassination...

Jake Shandling Hints He Is Pregnant

Monday, September 6, 2021

QAnon Amos’s Lawyer Claims He Was Seduced By The Former PresidentLast Friday, after the insurrectionist formerly known as the QAnon Shaman pled guilty to obstruction for his role in storming the Capitol on January 6, his lawyer Clarice Darpa argued that her incel client “had a fondness for Trump that...

Bojack Horseman In Critical Condition

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Ivermectin Shortage Caused By COVID Anti-Vaxxers To BlameThe 19 months since his Netflix show was cancelled have not been kind to Bojack Horseman, the twice-failed star of two forgettable sitcoms, who checked into rehab in July, 2020, and promptly caught COVID from a toilet seat while puking. Between...

Rand Paul Thinks Hatred Of Trump Is Behind Climate Change

Monday, August 30, 2021

“Anti-Trumpers Are Really Anti-Science Antifa” Says FlibbertigibbetarianCiting previous allegations he made suggesting scientists hate Trump so much they won’t study whether a cocktail Viagra & ivermecton can be used to embalm COVID patients, Kentucky’s favorite dustmop Rand Paul today blamed recent...

Turdwaffle Claims Consecutive Privilege

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & everybody’s favorite killer konstitutional klown Donald J. Turdwaffle has invoked consecutive privilege to prevent Congress from investigating his role in the failed insurrection on January 6th, citing Fox News reports that he may be reinstated any...

Turdwaffle Clarifies Taliban Origin Story

Monday, August 23, 2021

“I Was Using A Petitfour!” Corpulent Con Man CrowsStung by critical fact-checking of his recent rally in Cullman, Alabama, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspriator & all-around authoritarian scumbag Donald J. Turdwaffle told his communication crew at Fox News today that he had not confused...