All The Gnus That Give Two Shits
Canadian Casket Maker Says Demand For Child-Sized Coffins Has Increased 'Dramatically' Since 2020
Blames Antifa, Vaccines, the Climate Change Hoax, & A Recent Surge In Amateur Voodoo Practitioners For Shocking Rise In Spontaneous Extreme Late Term Abortions Of Potential Value Voters
“This can’t be a coincidence,” said Miquel “Dirty” Sanchez, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak as part of a plea deal with God while running up to that shining city on the hill protected by a non-disclosure agreement.
“I would like to acknowledge that all casket sales are up dramatically in the last two years,” Sanchez continued, “all of it totally unexpected since the olden times when Adam & Eve opened their sex toy shop, call it what you will, voodoo or dangerous vaccines, but something has happened that is causing unprecedented numbers of dead people, including all these young ones, which is cutting into our profit margins.”
Sanchez noted that many grieving parents get stingy when their kids die unexpectedly, despite having been rescued from abortion clinics or having avoided being run over by heathen trucks.
“They try to Jew us out of our profits,” Sanchez alleged, “simply because a casket for their dead diaper dumper is often less than 20% as large as our best-selling Supply-Side McManchin model that runs anywhere from 15 to 30 thousand dollars Canadian. Imagine what that it is in real money.
“It doesn’t do any good explaining to these tightwads,” Sanchez muttered, shaking his head sadly, "that we put as much craftsmanship into a beagle-sized coffin as one to accommodate an entire racist varsity baseball team.”
Sanchez, 39, says he can’t remember a time when vaccines and misinformation have led to more unexpected death and misery “than we’ve seen since the lamestream media began pushing these unproven vaccines to control an obvious hoax created by Yossarian Universal News Service to sell more rolling papers. There’s always been plenty of ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine around to treat the occasional common cold, which is much more dangerous than any made-up disease from China.”
Sanchez is particularly upset that some of his competitors have been offering specials on diminutive #CadaverCosies, where parents can buy one coffin and get a second one for half price, or sometimes free, to take advantage of irresponsible grieving parents who continue to vaccinate their doomed offspring after losing the first couple of yard hogs.
“What could be more irresponsible,” Sanchez argues, “than continuing to vaccinate children when people are still dying from all these vaccines, even though the pandemic has never materialized?”