All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-Word, FL) Responds To Trevor Noah Cracking Jakes About Him At The White House Correspondents Dinner


Threatens To Sue Comedian For Lying About His Presence At Event

“You wouldn’t catch me dead in that shit hole of woke journalism,” Ron “Little Don” told his personal press entourage during a briefing critiquing the latest Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) porn video, “but for them to advertise me just to boost their ratings… that is a balled-up lie. Here they are saying how important they are, that they are somehow these paragons of truth, justice, and The American Way, and, yet, there they are lying about me, something that is so readily verifiable.”

A spokesturd for the apprentice Nazi later clarified the governor’s remark, admitting that DeSantis was indeed in the audience but he was heavily disguised and sitting with a table of equally disguised compassionate conservatives and family-values moderates. “There’s no way that little jigaboo could have known he was there without someone leaking. We have entirely too many leakers. In fact, if you look at the science, the chief reason for rising sea levels is all these leakers.”