All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

'People's Convoy' Protestors Rally Outside Philly Fox Station To Demand More Media Coverage


We Should Be On Dancing With The Stars!

A crowd estimated to be more than I can count using the fingers on my right hand gathered outside Fox29 in Philadelphia this morning to whine about the lack of coverage of their “incredible social justice movement opposed to this CRT wokeness that aims to turn our children gay.

“We in the Silent Majority feel like we are heavily outnumbered by the liberals and Tik Tok Teens who have been stealing our big rigs whenever we stop to eat, sleep, or pray to the Christian God of our choice,” said Gottlieb Goforth, whose companion, Cindy Gnomoure, wore a tee-shirt that read: “Grab This!”

“It’s outrageous how many of these Black Lives Matter antifa thugs and their South Korean Tik Tok allies just get away with it,” Yuri Nader told Emmett Grogan, a YU News Service stringer who spent 10 years in prison for his part in the 1984 highjacking of the Olympic Torch in Selma, Alabama. 

“This isn’t really against Fox at all,” said Wilma Dikphit, an organizer with the Cheesesteak Freedom Coalition. “It’s really just to draw attention to this important story that is being ignored because The Squad would rather defend freedom fighters in Ukraine than focus on all the trucks antifa has stolen from our great patriots. If not for Fox, ONAN, and Newsmax, people like us wouldn’t know what was going on at all.”

Dikphit is also upset that she was discriminated against by The Masked Singer for exercising her First Amendment rights. She offered no evidence to support her claim.

Convoy organizers and supporters spent more than a year on the event, initially intended to help Turdwaffle’s Stop The Steal effort on January 6, 2020, eventually planning routes from all over America First territory to Washington, D.C. and fund-raising through the Save America Joint Fund-Raising Committee to shut down the nation’s Capitol to prevent President Biden from delivering his State of the Union Address on March 1. 

Further delays and bitter infighting among the dwindling numbers of Turdwaffle COVID survivors forced the protestors on February 27 to request Biden postpone the SOTU session until their estimated arrival in Washington, D.C. on March 5. The Biden administration declined, noting that many of the promised convoys had disbanded less than 24 hours after embarking because of rising fuel prices.

“Everything is colluding against us,” Dikphit said, “from the lifting of mandates to Ukraine declaring war on our Russian allies, which has driven the price of diesel out the wazoo. We have also had heavier than anticipated casualities from Delta and Omnicron, despite not masking up, social distancing, or getting the ineffective Biden vaccines. It’s just not fair, and we’re hoping that Fox can make the fake media start doing a better job of reporting what’s really going on, which is white genocide!”