All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Bojack Horseman In Critical Condition


Ivermectin Shortage Caused By COVID Anti-Vaxxers To Blame

The 19 months since his Netflix show was cancelled have not been kind to Bojack Horseman, the twice-failed star of two forgettable sitcoms, who checked into rehab in July, 2020, and promptly caught COVID from a toilet seat while puking. Between detox and his subsequent intubation for the Chinese coronavirus hoax, the fallen star spent nearly 9 months in hospitals before being released to a halfway house in Florida to fulfill a prior commitment of two years of community service stemming from a prior criminal conviction protected by a non-disclsoure agreement.

Horseman is a long-COVID survivor, one of a growing number of those who’ve recovered from the initial viral infection but who have gone on to exhibit a number of lingering & crippling conditions resistant to all the usual therapies.

“It’s just what I deserve,” Bojack tells anyone who will listen, “I’ve been a son of a bitch my entire life. I’m no good. News flash: Everyone already knows this. This is not news. What is news is the shortage of ivermectin, which I urgently need to treat my chronic river blindness and take care of a niggling case of intestinal roundworm, but which is currently unavailable to me because of these MAGA idiots who refuse to take a vaccine that prevents or lessens the impacts of a deadly & debilitating disease are convinced all they need to do to remain safe is to take a horse dewormer that causes humans to excrete the lining of their viscera out their poop chutes. What is wrong with you people?”

Horseman has been forced to improvise his care, taking arsenic, zinc & iron pills, combined with hydroxychloroquine & chewable Ex-Lax tablets, washed down with a fifth Phillip’s Milk of Magnesia. “Has this ever happened to you? I’m pretty sure it’s making things worse,” Horseman smiles. “This is Bojack, by the way. Horseman, obviously.”

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