All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Dusky Balls Hangs It Up


Hebrew League Fullback Inducted Into Foyer Of Chutzpah

Known for his toughness as a defender & midfielder for the Brooklyn Hakoah of the Hebrew Football League, Hymen Irving “Dusky Balls” Mandlebaum, has been inducted into the Bethel Abrahan Foyer of Chutzah at age 103.

Early in his career, Mandlebaum was known as the Borscht Baller before earning the nickname Dusky Balls after an intimate encounter with a shark while diving near the Florida Keys in 1948. In an incident that resulted in Mandelbaum beging charged with diving while drunk, a 10 foot dusky left him with half a testicle & a part of his penis.

Dusky holds the all-time record for own goals scored (26) during a storied career that spanned nearly 5 decades, extending into the early 1960s.

Reached for comment, Dusky told reporters: “For chrissake, it’s about fucking time.”