All The Gnus That Give Two Shits
Demands for Controlled Nazi Hunts Surge After January 6 Insurrection
Inside Jokes Are The #BeBest Kind
I can’t remember exactly when i wrote the first Nazi season story, but I’m pretty sure it was about the same time I released the story about the Ethiopian famine relief cart pileup. Here are are versions of each that I just find using Spotlight on the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat insecure servers.
NAZI SEASON REOPENS IN PARAGUAY
By Dr. Faustroll
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laudromat
All The News To Give You Fits
June 5, 2001 7:16PM
ASUNCION, Paraguay (YU) – Nazi season opened today for the first time in more than fifteen years, when Nazis were placed on the Endangered Ideologies List by the Paraguayan Economic Development Commission (PEDC) due to loss of habitat and over-hunting by Israeli trophy seekers.
In 1983, the Paraguayan National Parks Art set aside nearly one quarter million acres of this quaint central American paradise for conservation, including most of the Chaco region, and the city of Asuncion, where nearly all off the world's 12,000 Nazis were known to live.
A bill sponsored by then-President Alberto Stroessner to have Nazis afforded special protection passed the Paraguayan Bundt in 1986. It outlawed the killing of Nazis and made it illegal to disturb their nesting areas or harass mating pairs.
The program has proven so successful that political scientists now believe there are more Nazis on Earth than at any time since 1939, with nearly two million known to be living in the United States disguised as moderate Republicans.
Such success has not been without drawbacks, and the burgeoning Nazi populations in Central America are beginning to overwhelm the native human population in the competition for food and housing.
As a result, Paraguay has once again decriminalized the possession of Nazi body parts, begun selling licenses, and instituted a lottery for unit tags, which entitle the lucky holders to stalk the wily Nazis with bow or shotgun.
The daily bag limit is two bucks between 62 and 70 inches in length, with a possession limit of eight. A special hunt for does has been approved but no date has been set.
If these hunts are successful in controlling the Nazis here, similar hunts will be encouraged in Colombia, Mexico, and the United States, where Nazis have nearly wiped out the moral inhabitants.