GOP Says Don't Act Like Dems Wouldn't Want Pardon If They Had Tried To Steal An Election

Jun 23, 2022

A Pardon Is Like Life Insurance For High-Rolling Poopadoodlers

Vulnerable GOP seditionists today blasted the House January 6th Investigation for suggesting that lawmakers who participated in twice-impeached uninidicted co-conspirator and what Hitler would have looked like if he had only let his inner beauty shine through, Grabito Pussolinis elaborate coup attempt with complete knowledge and aforethought of exactly what they were doing are being harassed for “pure political posturing.

“Asking for a pardon,” said Sen. Ted “Schmoozer” Cruz (R-Word, TX), “is as American as stealing an apple pie from your grandma. If we arrested every American who asked for a pardon during the Trump administration, there wouldn’t be a Republican party.

“Since when is begging for a pardon the same as admitting guilt,” Tweeted Rep Jim Jordan (R-Word, OH), “or saying you’re willing to accept responsibility for allegedly criminal activities for which you have not yet been charged.

“When are they going to stop playing the democracy card,” Rep Marjoe Faylure Malaprop (R-Word, GA) complained to a Pentecostal anti-abortion rally at a Macon Washman automated car wash that allows “any damn fool to wash their car here,” saying “I feel your pain. Here’s a deal. I have a three point plan.” Then her battery ran out.


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